This month is not about trying to conceive. This month is not about making a baby. This month is not about OPKs or temperatures or cervical mucus or donations. There will be no symptom spotting, no hoping or wishing and no disappointment. This month is safe. This is our first month off since February. We’re stepping off the trying to conceive roller coaster for one whole cycle.
This month is different. This month is about Amy and I. This month is about having a life without worrying about peeing on things and when to inseminate. This month is about getting healthier, relaxing and just spending a notch being a couple.
We partly have no choice in this decision. Because of when I am due to ovulate, we will actually be out of the country and away from our donor at the time. But it’s all for a good reason as we are taking our long awaited, well deserved holiday to New York City!
So, what is this cycle about? This cycle is about sunshine, holidays, autumn leaves, good food and shopping. This cycle is about reconnecting as a couple and just being us. No stress. No disappointment. Just Amy and me.
As much as part of me is sad to be losing a cycle, the other part of me is so happy to have a cycle off just to poddle along without worrying. We’ll start again in November with fresh heads, a new AI kit and hopefully clomid. Fingers crossed those things will make the difference for us and our rainbow baby isn’t too far away.
I’ve come to the conclusion that as much as I really hate the phrase “it will happen” – seriously, it makes my blood boil! – I know that it will. I can’t guarantee that either me or Amy will give birth to our child. I can’t guarantee that I will ever get pregnant again. What I can guarantee, though, is that we will get our baby. Whatever it takes, we will. We’re only at the beginning of a very long road so there’s no need to give up or be scared yet. As a very wise fish once said, “just keep swimming, just keep swimming…”