I’ve been trying to think of ways today to stay sane during your infertility journey. It’s difficult, because once we are in the two week wait, there is absolutely nothing anyone can do to make sure we get pregnant. Here’s some of the things I came up with…
1) Thou Shalt Do Things as a Couple
Trying to conceive can be taxing in a relationship, so do things as a couple. Remember why you are together in the first place. Go our for dinner or see a movie, or even just get coffee together. Anything to connect and think about something other than babies.
2) Thou Shalt Ignore the Commenters for They Know Not What They Do
I don’t mean blog commenters. I mean those real life people who think they can comment on your family status. You, know, the ones with the helpful questions?
“When are you guys having a baby then?”
“When are you guys having another baby? You don’t want too much of a gap!”
“Do I hear the pitter patter of tiny feet?”
“Don’t keep your mum waiting any longer! She wants to be a grandma!”
People genuinely don’t understand how offensive these statements are to people suffering with infertility. I usually bat off comments like this with either a change in subject, a laugh and a “who knows” type comment or I say something along the lines of “we’ve been trying for a long time. Thanks for reminding us.” Which usually leads to my next observation…
3) Thou Shalt Choose What Advice To Take
People love to give advice. People who have had children suddenly become masters of fertility, with the immense knowledge to pass on to those around them. You’re not infertile you see! You’re just not doing it right!
“Just relax and it will happen”
“Just wait until your mucus looks like egg whites!”
“Oh, that temperature taking stuff doesn’t work. Ry doing it doggy style”
“And my personal favourite “Just stop tent and it will happen”.
Over the years I have learnt to let this well meaning “advice” go in one ear and out of he he other. Chances are, the person dishing out their “knowledge” thinks that they are helping, so just smile, thank them and seethe inside.
4) Thou Shalt Relax!
Now, this one is often a contentious point. I don’t mean this in a “just relax and it will happen” way because that is bullshit. I mean just relax. Try and be calm about this whole tng, because stressing will make no difference. Of course, get stressed about it, be upset and acknowledge your feelings. But also try and take each day as it comes, because no amount of stressing or not stressful will change the outcome of a cycle. Relaxing is just more pleasant.
5) Thou Shalt Realise You Have No Control
Once Youve done your baby dancing, you’ve confirmed ovulation and you’ve started the Two Week Wait, there is nothing you can do. Nothing in this time will make a difference. The sooner folk realise that, the better.
6) Thou Shalt Hate the Period
Periods suck. They suck when you’re not trying for a baby and they suck about two hundred times more than that when you are. So, indulge. Take some painkillers, wrap yourself up in the sofa with some ice cream and chocolate and mourn the cycle. Have a cry if you want to. Then get ready for the next one!
7) Thou Shalt Seek The Assistance Thine Uterus Requires
Ok, so you’ve been trying for a year already? Why not go to the doctor. Get some tests. There is absolutely no shame in getting tests and infertility treatment if needed. I see so many ladies who are so scared and ashamed to go to the doctor, but really there is no reason to be. If you thought you had asthma, you would go to the doctor for treatment. Infertility shodnt be any different. Your doctor is there to help
8) Thou Shalt Not Live by What If
We all do it. When Amy and I first started trying, we didn’t like to plan things too far in advance just in case we were expecting by then. But now it’s different. We book holidays far in advance, we plan fun things to do. We don’t stop our lives just because we might get pregnant. If it happens, we will deal with whatever the plans were then. But if it doesn’t, at least there’s fun ahead! Something to look forward to is always so helpful.
9) Thou Shalt Respect Thine Emotions
Trying for a baby is an emotional roller coaster and it’s important to recognise and respect those emotions. If you feel bitter, that’s ok. If you feel sad, that’s ok. If you feel like everyone is against you, that’s ok. Just know that it is all normal. It comes with the territory. I found seeing a good counsellor has helped with feelings related to trying to conceive as well as other issues. Respect your feelings. They are yours alone and you don’t have to justify them to anyone.
10) Thou Shalt Be Supportive
There are lots of trying to conceive forums out there in the world. They are some of the most supportive places I have come across. So, if you’re on one. Don’t pop poo people all the time. Don’t post mean messages. Don’t be a know it all. Just support people who are no doubt in the same boat as you. Yep, they may be asking a stupid question, but trying for a baby was new to all of us at some point. I’m sure we’ve all asked silly questions.
So, there’s my ten commandments of dealing with infertility. Feel free to add your own to the comments!